Don't Insult My Cooking!
by Kitsune-Onna19
Summary: What happens when Kaoru cooks lunch at the Kamiya Dojo? pls. R&R!


Disclaimer: I don't own RK, Watsuki does. Too bad though, ne? &_&x  
  
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Dont Insult My Cooking!  
  
It was just a few hours before lunchtime at the Kamiya Dojo. Megumi and Sanosuke had arrived a little earlier that day since they were invited over for lunch. Everything had been going well, until they found out hat Kaoru was preparing lunch.  
  
"Why did we have to come and eat Missie's food anyway?" Sano complained. Yahiko had just come in from his training, and they were lolling around. Both feeling angst-ridden, and wished to leave before lunch. until Kaoru entered.  
  
"Don't even think about leaving Sagara! The Akabeko won't take you in anymore because you never paid off your tab! AT least you don't have to pay for this meal!" Kaoru yelled as she opened the shoji. "STAY! Or else." She left the room and two very frightened people behind.  
  
"Man, Busu is really being serious about you eating here," Yahiko said. I don't think I want to be involved in this problem, he thought. "Tell me how her cooking is when I get back!" he shouted as he left for the Akabeko, almost knocking down Kenshin on his way out.  
  
"Bet he ran off to his girlfriend at the Akabeko," Sanosuke muttered as Yahiko left and Kenshin entered the practice room where he was. "Yeah! Go and crawl under a trestle! At least I can stay here and take it like a man!" Kenshin entered the room looking at Sano nervously. "Oh, sorry Kenshin. I wasn't talking to you.  
  
"It's alright Sano," Kenshin replied with a smile. Sano looked Kenshin and spoke. "You have no idea what's going on, do you? Missie's cooking lunch today!!!" Kenshin had a dazed look on his face and replied with his usual "Oro?".  
  
Meanwhile, Kaoru began to prepare lunch. Megumi decided to supervise the younger girl since she knew that cooking was Kaoru's greatest enemy. Kaoru had told her earlier that day that she had the urge to cook. Which is exactly why the avid girl attempted to cook her friends' lunch.  
  
"Okay Miss Megumi," Kaoru said shyly while handing her the pot of rice. "Is this okay?" Megumi looked at the pot Kaoru was about to give her.  
  
"You.. you burned it," Megumi replied.  
  
Kaoru took the pot back. "How can it be burned? I did everything right. Why- -"  
  
Megumi looked at her thoughtfully. "It's okay. It doesn't matter anyway. You know Sanosuke will eat anything you bestow on him. But, since you're going to make such a big deal about it, here." she said, handing Kaoru some vegetables. "Just don't burn them," she added before Kaoru began making salad. She's hopeless, Megumi thought. She can't even boil water.  
  
About half and hour later, Kaoru finishes fixing the meal. I hope this is alright, she thought. Since Megumi had patients to tend to, she had to get back to the doctors' office and leave before she could eat. Yahiko went to the Akabeko and hasn't been back in over an hour. That left Kenshin and Sano.alone. with Kaoru. and her cooking.  
  
"KENSHIN, SANOSUKE, LUNCHTIME!!!"  
  
Kenshin heard Kaoru's call. Sano probably didn't hear, because he was brandishing his red bandana. "Sano," he called. "Sano." Sanosuke looked back at Kenshin with a deadpan expression. "I heard ya," Sano answered.  
  
"Do you think we should go out before Miss Kaoru get angry?" Kenshin asked.  
  
It was too late. "They're just stalling because they don't like my cooking," she muttered to herself. "Well, this time I made a good meal that they're going to like. HIMURA, SAGARA, I'M COMIN' IN THERE!!!" screamed Kaoru as she slide open the shoji with one had, and the meal in the other.  
  
The meal consisted of rice balls, soup, green tea, and tofu salad. "Here's your food," she said cheerfully, placing the food in front of them. The two could only stare in shock; half of the rice balls were burned, and half were raw, but all were embossed with cut vegetables and looked like animals; the salad, also burned, contained lumps of burned tofu. The soup was very acidic; smoking and bubbling. It looked like some kind of poisonous concoction that would grant any death wish.  
  
The tea look okay to me, Kenshin thought as he picked up the cup. "Try it, you'll like it," Kaoru stated. So he closed his eyes and took a sip. The rurouni's eyes shot open as he drank and swallowed the torrid tea. It was foul and disgusting, with a bitter aftertaste. "Is it good Kenshin?" Kaoru asked. She got no response from the former wanderer. Instead of responding, Kenshin turned a brilliant scarlet which rivaled his red ponytail that was now standing erect.  
  
"Of course it's good Missie," Sanosuke retorted. "He always likes food that nearly kills him. You should take cooking lessons from the Kitsune." He continued on until she finally snapped.  
  
"You can't cook at all Sagara, so don't even go there!!!!!" Kaoru backlashed. "I can't take it anymore!!!" Kaoru said as she took Kenshin sakabatou. "YOU WANT TO TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?!?!"  
  
"I'd be glad to!" Sano yelled back. And with that they went outside to the back of the Kamiya Dojo. Kenshin followed quietly so he doesn't have to face Kaoru just yet.  
  
Once each of them were out back, the rest was all a blur. All you could see was a huge cloud of dust and all you could hear was a thump every now and then, and screaming; Sano for help, and Kaoru of rage. Before this all the mess had begun, the last thing audible you could hear was an ear-shattering scream coming from Kaoru.  
  
"MEET YOUR END SAGARA!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled. When that was said, the dojo rattled, and Kenshin had to cling to the wall for support.  
  
When Sano thought he had enough, Kaoru pushed him inside and back to the practice room. For every step she took, a large crack appeared on the floor. She decided to force-feed Sano. "You insult my food, I'll do the same to you! Just in a more violent and physical way." Kaoru said while her eyes narrowed like Saito in Shinsen-mode and began to turn a horrifying amber. She placed the soup in front of him. He looked at it, and then nervously looked up at Kaoru. She shot him a mean look, and he began to eat the hot soup. Once he tasted it, it tasted fine.. at first. Then after a while, his mouth began to taste like a vile mixture of vomit and other strange and unusual fluids. This went on as he drank the tea, ate some rice, and some tofu salad.  
  
Later that day, Megumi arrived and found Sano lying on the ground, his rooster-like hair went limp and his face blue like Aoshi's ice blue eyes.  
  
"I never knew somebody could burn soup, until I met Missie," Sanosuke muttered. Megumi peered down at him on the ground and shook her head in bewilderment. "What did you do to him?" Megumi said, pointing at ex-fighter- for-hire.  
  
"All he did was eat some food," Kaoru answered innocently. "This didn't happen to Kenshin when he had some tea. See? He's right over there. Let's ask him what he thought of the tea I made." They walked over to Kenshin and he had a look of stoicism in his eyes. "Kenshin," Kaoru asked calmly. "Did you like the tea that I made you?"  
  
"Oro?" ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Author note: Well, did ya laugh hard? I did. I used this for school one time. people. Please review and if it's that bad, please use contructive critizism so I can improve! &_&x 


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